An attitude of willingness

Yoga, when practiced with an attitude of willingness, is bound to take you to places you have never been before.

But all sorts of things can get in the way of being willing, really willing to be changed, in yoga.

We think we want health, beauty, balance, self-realization, or whatever yoga has that we lack. But in focusing on wanting these, we are sometimes fighting against the lack of them. For me, this took the form of unconsciously believing the world was a shitty place. Yoga became both a refuge, and a way for me to somehow transcend or be separate from the world. This led to even more suffering, as the real power of yoga couldn't be accessed, and I still felt separate.


I stated attending yoga with an attitude of willingness when I was stressed out of my mind by working full-time at a women's shelter, and commuting 1 hour each way to the job. For a person with special dietary needs and poor stress tolerance, this wasn't a good combination. So, I turned to my only real resource: taking yoga from a fellow teacher at the studio where I taught. She taught the class before mine from 6-7pm, so it was easy, and I really had no reason not to try.

In her class, I discovered a much deeper level of calm in myself than I had ever experienced. And though she's a good teacher, I don't think that was the main factor. I think it was because I was ready. I was so deep into a hole of my own making, that I would use every bit of my strength to grab the rope that she was throwing down - a rope that consisted of physical strengthening, deep breathing, humor, and inspiring music - just the right combination to give me the confident energy and emotional balance I needed to get through that time. Those 6 months of regular practice left an indelible mark on me, as I was finally able to explore territory beyond my own ideas of a "proper" yoga class; I had a fuller appreciation of my body, a sense of unity with my fellow students, and a thirst to explore more unknown territory. It occurred ot me that the edge of the unknown is really where I most want to be.

Practicing with an attitude of willingness means taking responsibility for your own spiritual path; your focus isn't on what someone else can bestow on you, but on what you're willing to learn. It also means that you have to give up any pre-concieved ideas about "right ways" or "wrong ways". You have to be willing to really feel every option, really breathe into each approach, and go with the one that can teach you the most.

Practicing with an attitude of willingness is being willing to admit all that you don't know; over, and over, and over again. It also means being willing to admit when you do know something, such as a value you hold dear, or a sudden awareness that you need to leave something toxic behind. It means being open to all the signs along your path, whether they're in the language of the mind, body, or heart. All of these languages are valid, and yet none are your final destination. They're just markers along the way.